What I'm......

1.       Reading.   I am reading the WORST book right now.  Its totally my fault because I knew that it would be bad but I bought it anyway.  I Can Make You Hot: The Supermodel Diet by Kelly Killoren Bensimon (former real housewife of NYC and former model) is an asinine attempt at a lifestyle/health book.  Its a thinly disguised effort to mimic Bethenney Frankel’s Naturally Skinny books (which I liked).  A few of her classic tidbits that I’ll take to my grave include: 1. avoid eating toilet paper in order to make yourself full; it doesn’t work; 2. don’t eat a big meal after you go into labor b/c you might vomit (and that’s not hot); and 3. don’t eat a bagel before a horse jumping competition.   

Wait…maybe Gwyneth Paltrow* was her ghost-writer??  I feel like this SAME advice was on GOOP a few weeks back…snicker..  Anyways, all of it is completely absurd, un-helpful and as schizophrenic as she used to come across on the show. 

On a more positive note, I just finished an AWESOME book that is actually going to be made into a movie and produced by Reese Witherspoon (one of my favsie celebs; how cute does she look preggie, btw?).  GoneGirl by Gillian Flynn is a pretty dark mystery/thriller with a few great plot twists.  I liked it so much that I went to dinner and then to brunch the following morning with JKL a few weekends ago and read it on my iphone throughout BOTH meals.  He was so happy for me that I found such an engaging story-NOT.

A lighter beach read is Most Talkative: Stories from the front lines of pop culture by Andy Cohen (the BRAVO exec who created the Real Housewives franchise).  I want to be friends with Andy-BAD.  He might even be on my top five list of celebs I’d like to drink white wine with (www).   The book made me cry laughing a few times and is completely ridiculous without being trashy. Most importantly, its NOT all about the Housewives but about his impressive life/career up to the present. 

2.       Looking Forward to….  In nine days and counting, we will be heading up to Maine for a long weekend with my lady friends and a few hubbies.  I can’t freaking wait.  We’re staying at the Tides Beach Club which looks SOOOO cute and nice.  They even have a couple of rooms designed by Jonathan Adler, who is apparently COOL in design circles.  JKL is taking me to Earth at Hidden Pond for my bday dinner (I’m turning 33 next week……dry heave) and I’ve already been stalking the menu and agonizing over the fact the I don’t have any NICE mumu’s to wear to dinner.  Ideally, I’d like to sport something along the lines of the ensemble featured below but.....we’ll see what happens..


via pinterest

3.      Lusting.  Due to the above-referenced bday, I have been spending an even greater amount of time that I normally do surfing the net and pinning my dream presents.   I’m the least decisive person on the planet so this process is causing me an amount of stress that hovers around the edges of mania.  Ultimately, what I think I want above all else is to make some strides towards this….

via pinterest

        

Its all in JKL’s hands now.  Poor guy.  I’m going to get an angry phone call t-minus 30 seconds after this post telling me to make up my mind or to get a grip or that he’s leaving me…

X,

MAY

* also on my top 5 celebs I’d like to drink www.

MAYmusings

Ummm....I have stage fright.  I guess I'll jump right in.  Today's musings....(side note: Mose wanted me to name my blog MAYmusings but I'm not sophisticated enough to change the title of my blog now that its been established and has a patent pending* so just PRETEND that's the name. mmkay)?

*kidding

1.      Weight.  I need to lose a lot of it for various reasons but, probably the most compelling one, is that JKL (my hubby) and I want to have some healthy progeny sooner rather than later.  I know that I probably COULD get pregnant and safely carry my fetus in this dumpy state but, who really wants to start off on the wrong foot?  I feel like my fetus might be embarrassed to be living its first 9 mos inside of a whale of a woman. He/she will feel like a, less frightened and more irritable, Pinocchio.  Can’t have that. My baby will have PLENTY of other reasons to be embarrassed by me (but mostly JKL) later in life. 



I can say with certainty that I’ve read around 85-90% of all reasonably popular diet books out there.  They all say the same thing...BLAH DON'T DRINK BLAH EAT LOTS OF FISH BLAH.  I wish I 'd realized that years ago and then I’d likely have more than $0 in my personal savings account.  This time around I think I will draw on my mental health library (I mean the library inside my head NOT, repeat NOT a repository for the ways in which one maintains one's mental health) and pick out the things that work for me and compile them into one plan, by MAY, for MAY.  Stay tuned for that gem.  The US Patent and Trademark Office sure is.

2.      My house.  I need to get that heap fancied up.  We recently refinanced and the bank is basically paying US to live there so, I need to settle in. Effing Pinterest has given me a complex regarding home decor.  Its makes me feel sad and inadequate for not being a consummate DIYer, poor for not having a pool with the facade of a tropical grotto  and MAD at JKL for not allowing me to make my renos a reality.  Anyone with me on this??

                                                             This is our pool.  Nice, huh?

SO, what am I doing, aside from whiny writing, about the aforementioned issues?  Glad you asked.  I have started waking up at 6:15am to do a 30 minute circuit training workout with my arch-nemesis Jillian Michaels.  She sucks.  Everything about her bothers me…..except her bod…

I have also started using an app called “Lose It”.  Its nice.  Kinda like Weight Watchers online except its $1.99 as opposed to 57$/month or whatever WW is now. I think Pidgeon may have told me about it 2 years ago and I, not yet having reached morbid obesity , defiantly ignored the recommendation.  My future baby and I are both sorry, pidg. 

So, I guess we’ll see what happens.  My goals aren’t very lofty so, if I don’t meet them within the next 3-6 months, feel free to mock me ruthlessly.  I just want to get back to wedding size.  That wasn’t even small---believe me--BUT I recall that the summer before my wedding I felt ok about myself, could still fit into most articles of clothing that I liked and had some muscle tone. That should set me up REAL NICE to gestate (is that even a real verb?) JKL Jr. 

As far as Mi Casa goes…...eh, we’ll tackle that another day.  I need to go and figure out if typing this crap burned any cals via Lose It.

X,

MAY